Shark Eats Plane

Dear Little Sis,

I didn't say I liked Taylor Swift.  I just happen to drive a car that doesn't have a CD player so sometimes I have to play the radio just in order to stay awake.  And except for La Roux, radio music totally sucks.

I really like that definition of privilege.  I mean, for example, I think I mentioned my new data entry job at ACT in a previous post, and to me, the whole idea of working in corporate America, or as a coworker called it, "Cubeland," is cute, a novelty, kind of entertaining in a I-won't-have-to-do-this-for-the-rest-of-my-life kind of way.  And it occurred to me at some point in the past day, that's my white upper-middle-class point of view, the POV of someone whose parents had the money to send her to an Ivy League college and support her through two graduate schools.  And it occurs to me now, it's also  the privileged point of view of a person with a high IQ, who has opportunities to move on to higher-paying jobs at some point by virtue of her education, skill set, and ability to be quick on the uptake.  So while I agree that privilege is largely about what we don't see, I'm not convinced that learning to open our eyes removes that privilege.

You know what I mean?  Even though I am starting to see myself as a smart, white girl from a wealthy upbringing, I still can't help but feel that working in a cubicle is kind of fun, only because it won't last.  To others, working in a cubicle might be a huge step up from what they're doing for so many reasons.  Higher pay, no physical labor, fewer hours, more interesting work...And yet, to others, working in a corporate environment, while still higher pay and all of those other things, is not preferable to their current position as a construction worker, garbage collector, dog catcher, whatever, because they enjoy what they do or get some satisfaction out of doing it, or are simply repelled by Cubeland, like so many richer people are.

Back to men, and their entitled ways.  I went to my friend's wedding tonight, and I have to say that it was stunning, as a side comment.  One of the most moving, beautiful things I've ever been a witness to.  It was at this very old octagonal barn out in Iowa country, surrounded by rolling hills of corn and whatnot, and the ceremony was outside.  When the sun set, the sky lit up in a way that made me think of the kindness of the Universe.  But my point is, the groom, who happens to be one of the few men I really admire and appreciate, wept in this touching, dare I say it?--womanly way as he said his vows.  Of course, lots of people will think I mean this disparagingly, but that's part of the problem.  What is so disparaging about saying someone reflects elements of a gender that is not theirs?  Did you know that to be resilient, a psychological term that reflects one's ability to recover from stress or trauma, one would do well to be androgynous, among other things?  Meaning, possessing characteristics from male and female genders.  Do you see what I'm saying?  I thought it was wonderful that the groom was so overcome by emotion; it showed how much he cared for the sweet bride and how important their marriage was to him.  Those two will definitely be together forever.  I bring all of this up because in that moment, the groom let go of his privilege (though not in every way, the beautiful wedding being an example) to embrace his true feelings, to not be afraid of what judgments some people might have made, (although I doubt in that gorgeous moment anyone was making any) and to be honest to himself and to the bride.  If men could do that more often, it would be a better world.

You had me read The Invisible Knapsack (pdf) some years ago, and I'm glad you linked to it here.  In particular, I find the list of advantages to being a racial majority very compelling and true.  Thank you for the other links as well, which I will try to respond to in a later post, especially the lolcat, of course.

Let me also link to something: Greatest clip ever.


Love,

Big Sis

I saw the sign, and it opened up my eyes...

Well. I'm glad we got that out of the way.












Let me begin by saying that I'm actually offended you even know what a Taylor Swift tune should sound like. Offended, I say! (This coming from someone who regularly blasts Ace of Base out her car stereo while driving around town...One of these days I'm going to get a DWD ticket- Driving While Dancing.)

Onto real things. You wanted to talk about men- their role in society, the way Patriarchy benefits them, the way they abuse their privilege. I obviously have a lot of thoughts on the matter; I wasn't a Gender Studies concentration in college for no reason.

The first thing I would say on this is that the word privilege is being used a very specific way here. I like to go by the definition laid out in this Livejournal entry:

Privilege is: About how society accommodates you. It's about advantages you have that you think are normal. It's about you being normal, and others being the deviation from normal. It's about fate dealing from the bottom of the deck on your behalf.

I highly suggest you go read the rest of the post; Betty manages to explain privilege, which is a pretty convoluted concept, in a clear, concise manner. Yay for that!

I would also suggest reading The Invisible Knapsack (pdf), which was written by Peggy McIntosh in '88 about the ways privilege blinds us to having those exact privileges, in order to be a self-propagating system. Or, you could just look at this lolcat which sums up the idea of invisible privilege equally well.















You ask if men being aware of their privilege would help. I say yes, to a degree. If the two of us- who you should remember, have a bucketload of privilege, being raised in an upper middle class family, in the US, with stellar educations, white skin, and glorious good looks- can challenge our privileges and come as far as we have, then so can men. Especially because not all men are completely privileged. There are men of color, differently abled men, impoverished men, queer men, etc etc etc. This is where the concept of intersectional politics comes in. The idea that we are not static identities- I am not just a woman, I am a queer, fat, differently abled Jewish woman- you cannot separate those identities from each other when looking at my place in society, as the different levels of oppression do not see me as one single identity but a composite.

So, yes, men can theoretically become feminist, patriarchy-busting allies once they challenge their privilege. In some ways they will never be able to eradicate that privilege, as it is not something they willingly took on but were given due to their inherent characteristics. But, in the act of challenging it, and forcing oneself to become aware of it, they are helping to weaken it. This is why I am SO outspoken with my feminism/womanism. Because it is only through constant education, and challenging of the status quo, that change comes about. Which, conveniently, is how I choose my male friends. If they are receptive to my beliefs, to taking on the challenge of hearing me and learning from me, I let them in. If they don't, I walk away. Easy peasy.

Further reading, from Shakesville:

(Trigger Warning) The Terrible Bargain We Have Regretfully Struck

and

Feminism 101: Sexism is Matter of Opinion


-Little Sis