Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Why Can't People Be More Like Seahorses?

Dear Lil Sis:

Ha.  That date sounds pretty atrocious.  But aren't bad dates rewarding in their own way?  They give you fodder for good bloggyposts, for one thing.  As for your previous post, I'm glad you painted your room, though you kind of became obsessed and it was funnay.  And--I've said this before and I'll say it again--your walls need little brown seahorses.  They're the perfect addition to class up any room.

I think the fact that you are so meta-aware of your own nervousness about writing in the public sphere is really telling.  It shows so much about our relationship.  I'm the writer by trade, I'm the Big Sis, I'm the one who has been enjoying her ability to write well for years and years.  You are the Lil Sis, you must by virtue of your age follow in my footsteps (or at least that was the case when we were younger), and you are lacking confidence, which is compounded by my success.  It's really unfortunate that this dynamic has been set up, though, because you are a good enough writer to do anything you want with it.  You could be famous, but instead you are nervous about a dippy little bloggy. 

I hope my saying all of that doesn't upset you.  I want the world to know how brilliant you are.  And if you don't want to pursue writing, then you are absolutely within your rights to do that.  But what shouldn't happen is you not pursuing a creative avenue simply because you feel inferior, or fear the possible outcome of inferiority to me.  I can't read your mind and I don't know if that's what's going on, exactly, but that is how it seems to me.  And I hope that in your life, you can do whatever you want to do, without being held back by anxieties or complexes or old dysfunctional dynamics.

In other words: I'm really proud of you and I have faith in you.

Meanwhile, speaking of writing careers, I am so confused about my own right now.  Well, I mean, I know for sure that I am and will be a novelist for always.  But as for making the cash?  I have no idea.  The two arenas of possibility right now seem to be writing professor or technical writer.  There are pluses and minuses to both.  I don't want to be incredibly stressed out my whole life, because, quite honestly, I do better with a little room to think and breathe, but I also have the most intense passion for writing and sharing it with others.  I think, and I can't believe I'm saying this, that I'm leaning toward professor.  But I need to work on my stress-management skills and my physical and mental health. 

Well, and I have been doing that.  I recently figured out two very important things:

1)I am allergic to all meat and shellfish, leaving fish as the only animal protein I can consume without my throat closing up or projectile vomiting.  Since I stopped eating meat, my chronic pain and migraines and stomach issues have gotten SO much better.

2)My chronic pain is stemming largely from plantar fasciitis, which my doctor told me I had some months ago.  I didn't realize that the pain from the bottoms of my feet was spreading up into my calves until recently, though.  I am taking care of my feet with stretches, icing, foot baths, and good shoes with orthotics, and I have high hopes that soon, the pain will be better.  I think it actually already is, somewhat.

So things are looking up, for sure.  I have a job interview tomorrow at this amazingly awesome research lab where they study schizophrenics who smoke pot WHILE getting a PET scan of their brains.  It doesn't get more interesting than that.  I really hope I get this job.

Anyway, I have homework for class today that I have yet to do, so I'm off to complete that.  Tell K's butt I said hi. 

Love,

Big Sis

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Dear Big Sis,

A letter within a letter, if you will.

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Dear My Date From Last Tuesday,

Thank you for buying my pasta dinner. It was delicious, and a revelation that I can get such yummy, healthy-ish Italian food 5 minutes from my house. I will surely be returning there on a regular basis to get more of it.

But I won't be returning with you.

You see, there were a few things you did on our date that I deemed inappropriate and a total turn-off. For ease of reading, I shall break these faux pas into bullet points, so you can better process them and not fuck up the next date with someone else.

One.

When your date sits down and removes her button-down to reveal a modest tank top (after being outside in 95 degree Texan weather), overly awkward remarks about how "scandalous" it is for her to dress so "revealing" doesn't endear you to her, 10 minutes in, but instead makes her question not only her clothing choices, but your common sense too. Jokingly criticizing your date's clothes is a no-go. Implicitly calling her a whore? Also a bad idea, even if you are attempting sarcasm.

Two.

When your date puts her button-down back on when the restaurant has ramped up the A/C, commenting on her body's fluctuating temperatures by loudly asking/accusing her: "What are you, bipolar!?" is prooobably not going to get you laid. Ever. Especially when your date is, in fact, bipolar. To quote my favorite Liz Lemon of all the Liz Lemons, "that's a deal breaker!!" You are not only showing your complete insensitivy to individuals who have mental health conditions, but you show a woeful misunderstanding of what bipolarity really is. A quick lesson- being bipolar has nothing to do with fluctuating body temperatures.

A side point- don't talk about her body. And by you, I don't mean some general you. I mean you. Discussing a first date's body requires deftness of tone and the ability to be witty, two things you are greatly lacking.

Three.

When your date cannot remember immediately how old you are, don't aggressively ask her how many other women she is talking to. I didn't immediately recall how old you are because I'm talking up all the other ladieez, but because I have shitty memory (thanks, medications!), and also, your age really isn't that important to me. And since when did either of us agree that talking to other women is forbidden? We're on a first date, yo!

Four.

Spending the whole date talking about your fucked up family, all the jobs you've hated, and the details of your ex-relationships? Not a good idea.

Five.

Going on about your co-worker's revealing clothes and "porn shoes" just reinforces the budding suspicions planted by points one and three. That you have no problem slut-shaming women.

Six.

Admitting at dinner that you freaked out while on the phone previously when your date called your outing what it is: a date. I'm not sure why it wouldn't be a date, since we met on an online dating site, but not sounding enthused to use that label is worrying.

Alright My Date From Last Tuesday, I think that captures most of it. Because I'm feeling somewhat charitable, things you did right: laughed at most of my jokes. Told me a few times that I have a very outgoing, relatable personality. Buying me dinner. (Not because I'm old fashioned. I'm just poor and don't like to pay for shit. Ha!) Giving my unemployed ass a pretty solid job suggestion. And finally, hugging me goodbye instead of trying to kiss me (see points one through six).

Not yours,

Your Date From Last Tuesday

PS. If it makes you feel better, I went on an outing Friday with another woman, and we toootally meshed. I am optimistic that she will soon become a significant part of my life.

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Thanks Big Sis, I needed to get that off my chest. I'm relatively new to the dating scene (late bloomer like whoa), and going on bad dates is somewhat frustrating for me. Despite my previously mentioned outgoing personality, I can be slightly awkward on first dates, and being on one with a person twice as bad does. not. help.

Love,

Little Sis

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Paaaaint!

Dear Big Sis,

So I just got out of the shower, my hair is still dripping, and I am sitting on the couch writing a blog post. Because you told me to. So I am.

What should I really be doing right now? Probably getting dressed and moving furniture around my room, so I can finish painting the other two walls. Or applying for jobs. Or working on my finances. Or a million other things I have swept under the rug (so I don't get paint on them, I guess).

What color am I painting my room? This color. Except it's like, 500x brighter in real life. Once I redecorate my room with these, I think it will be much more tolerable. I hope. Otherwise I'll have to paint again, and I miiiight just lose my mind and paint the room neon pink/black stripes.

I'm not sure what to blog about. I'm out of practice; it's been a few weeks. Everything I am thinking about today is deeply personal and not appropriate for a public blog. I'm feeling vulnerable and anxious and unsettled today. I am somewhat convinced I am incapable of having a normal romantic relationship. I feel alone and simultaneously encroached upon. Basically my emotions are all right at the surface, vibrating strongly. It all probably has to do with my vastly fucked up sleep cycle, and having a bit too much fun during the weekend, so hopefully that will fade away as the days pass. But right now I would just like to get outside my head.

One positive thing happening right now is that I've picked up knitting again. I'm making this scarf for a close friend, and it is coming out GREAT. I forgot how much I love to knit, and the pure excitement I get from creating something. Even if I didn't make the pattern myself, or spin the yarn, I am so proud of myself for producing something. The ability to create something with your two hands is intoxicating.

In other good news, K is coming to visit! In two weeks! At the same time my house is having our annual co-op birthday party! Which I am planning! This is a good thing, a very good thing. I love K, and look forward to gallivanting around town with him. There will be red paint applied in an even up-down motion to the many walls of Austin. With primer applied first, of course. And plenty of time to dry before furniture is replaced. Ok, you're right, I'm obsessed.

And with that, I will go to get dressed. Sorry if this post was sub-par, but hopefully I'll be up to writing something a bit more engaging soon. Love you.

-Little Sis