Dear Lil Sis:
Ha. That date sounds pretty atrocious. But aren't bad dates rewarding in their own way? They give you fodder for good bloggyposts, for one thing. As for your previous post, I'm glad you painted your room, though you kind of became obsessed and it was funnay. And--I've said this before and I'll say it again--your walls need little brown seahorses. They're the perfect addition to class up any room.
I think the fact that you are so meta-aware of your own nervousness about writing in the public sphere is really telling. It shows so much about our relationship. I'm the writer by trade, I'm the Big Sis, I'm the one who has been enjoying her ability to write well for years and years. You are the Lil Sis, you must by virtue of your age follow in my footsteps (or at least that was the case when we were younger), and you are lacking confidence, which is compounded by my success. It's really unfortunate that this dynamic has been set up, though, because you are a good enough writer to do anything you want with it. You could be famous, but instead you are nervous about a dippy little bloggy.
I hope my saying all of that doesn't upset you. I want the world to know how brilliant you are. And if you don't want to pursue writing, then you are absolutely within your rights to do that. But what shouldn't happen is you not pursuing a creative avenue simply because you feel inferior, or fear the possible outcome of inferiority to me. I can't read your mind and I don't know if that's what's going on, exactly, but that is how it seems to me. And I hope that in your life, you can do whatever you want to do, without being held back by anxieties or complexes or old dysfunctional dynamics.
In other words: I'm really proud of you and I have faith in you.
Meanwhile, speaking of writing careers, I am so confused about my own right now. Well, I mean, I know for sure that I am and will be a novelist for always. But as for making the cash? I have no idea. The two arenas of possibility right now seem to be writing professor or technical writer. There are pluses and minuses to both. I don't want to be incredibly stressed out my whole life, because, quite honestly, I do better with a little room to think and breathe, but I also have the most intense passion for writing and sharing it with others. I think, and I can't believe I'm saying this, that I'm leaning toward professor. But I need to work on my stress-management skills and my physical and mental health.
Well, and I have been doing that. I recently figured out two very important things:
1)I am allergic to all meat and shellfish, leaving fish as the only animal protein I can consume without my throat closing up or projectile vomiting. Since I stopped eating meat, my chronic pain and migraines and stomach issues have gotten SO much better.
2)My chronic pain is stemming largely from plantar fasciitis, which my doctor told me I had some months ago. I didn't realize that the pain from the bottoms of my feet was spreading up into my calves until recently, though. I am taking care of my feet with stretches, icing, foot baths, and good shoes with orthotics, and I have high hopes that soon, the pain will be better. I think it actually already is, somewhat.
So things are looking up, for sure. I have a job interview tomorrow at this amazingly awesome research lab where they study schizophrenics who smoke pot WHILE getting a PET scan of their brains. It doesn't get more interesting than that. I really hope I get this job.
Anyway, I have homework for class today that I have yet to do, so I'm off to complete that. Tell K's butt I said hi.
Love,
Big Sis
No comments:
Post a Comment